Advice to Myself

Look. Y’all don’t have to read this one but I figure if I don’t put this in a very public space, I’ll never commit or apply any of the advice I’m about to give to myself. You’re welcome to take it as well, but I won’t be offended if you don’t (secret: I won’t even know. Computer screens are funny that way). 

But some story time first:

In case if you haven’t gathered from the lack of blog posts, I am busy. All of the time. I’ve had more free time in the last week than I have in the last eight months.

8. MONTHS.

People get more vacation time than that when they work regular jobs. So why am I keeping myself so busy? 

It’s a combination of a lot of things: I’m a motivated human bean. I have a fear of being useless to society. I was raised to desire working and to desire the satisfaction of success and growth. 

But let’s jump back to that second one I slid in the last sentence ever so casually:

“I have a fear of being useless to society.”

I’ll be honest about it that is absolutely why I created this blog in the first place. I got cancer. I had to pull myself out of society and therefore became useless.

Now I know, I know. You’re going to say, “But Dana! You talked about this in your last blog post, A Year In Review. Give us some new content!”

I will. Promise. But I gotta finish this thought first.

Yes. I don’t mind being busy, but I’ve never considered why I keep myself busy. Maybe it’s my Type A personality barging into my life. Perhaps it’s because I don’t know how to say no to people. It could be my motivation trying to get me to do everything all at once. Maybe I really do have a fear of being useless to society.

All of these are true. Guilty. 

More than all of these, I think I have an unspoken fear of running out of time.

(This is the part where you gasp and say “This mid-life crisis fear hitting a 22-year-old! How unreasonable!”)

Not exactly. In case if we all forgot the reason why I started this blog (*cough* cancer), mortality is a lot closer to me than most young adults.

I should have this idiotic idea that I’m invincible as a 20-something-year-old and can drink all the alcohol, do all the stupid things and live.

And I do all of those dumb things, but mainly because I’m trying to get back normal life, not because of some insane complex society allows college kids to live by before they’re struck in the face by the metal baseball bat that is life.

 But while I’m doing these ridiculously fun and menial things, there’s always something in the back of my brain going: this is pointless. Be useful why don’t you? You don’t have time like everyone else. 

WHICH IS INSANE and self-centered! But here we are in the depths of my brain (quite the wild ride. We won’t delve too deep there).

So in this weird place titled “Dana’s Brain,” I have convinced myself that I must do all of the things this instant or I will run out of time and not be able to do all of the things because I’m running out of time.

I can’t explain it and I’m not going to try to. Instead, this is what I am telling myself:

  1. Knock it off. I love you and you’ve got time. More than that, you need to give yourself the time to exist. You’ll have time to be stressed out and busy later in life when you’re 40 with a full-time job and responsibilities.
  2. All those things you’re avoiding by being busy? You should address that stuff. It’s important too. No one dies saying “I’m really glad I’m kicking the can with all this stress on my back.”
  3. You’re okay. Really truly. Breathe. Learn to do some things for you and if you can’t, find someone to show you.
  4. Take more trips. That featured image you put at the top of this post of some cool mountains you saw in Colorado? You don’t have nearly enough photos of that. You definitely need more. 🙂
  5. Make sure you’re busy doing things you like. Otherwise, you’re going to hate everything.


Life is crazy and confusing. You know it. I know it. We’re all pretty honest here. So let’s have some fun in 2019 and remind ourselves of what’s really important.


Thanks for listening.



Until Next Time,


Dana

A Year in Review

My last post title is so funny looking back at it. I’m back? HAH.

I just check to see when I last posted and the time stamp says AUGUST 2017.

THAT’S A YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS SINCE MY LAST POST.

I’d apologize for not writing more, but the truth is, I’m not. I’ve been out living a little instead of writing. However, I am sorry if reading my blog was something you regularly enjoyed reading (hi mom).

Since it’s been such a long time, let me bring you up to speed on my life:

  1. I’m a super senior in college getting ready to graduate in May (No. I don’t have a plan yet. Please don’t ask.)
  2. I’ve stage-managed three productions, house managed for two, artistic directed a Fringe Festival, assistant directed for a main stage production and created my first lighting design.
  3. I have a billion things on my to do list before the end of the semester.
  4. Number three is a lie, but I still have a lot on my list.
  5. I took a spring break trip to Colorado it was life changing.
  6. I performed for the first time in two years this summer and it was my own writing.
  7. I’ve had five or six oncology appointments since the last time we’ve chatted and I am better than ever. My oncologist told me in my last appointment that it was like the cancer wasn’t there in the first place.
  8. I can put my hair into a half pony tail now!
  9.  I am working in the scene shop at my university and it is by far the best job I’ve ever had.
  10. I had to put down two of my doggos this past month, so I’ve been pretty sad. But they’re in a better place so it’s okay.
  11. I’ll be getting to work as a Props Artisan on a professional show in January.

And this is just a small version of what I’ve done in the last year and a half. There have been really big ups and downs across the board, but that’s just life. My time has been filled to the brim and since this blog is something I do for fun, there hasn’t been any time for it.

I didn’t realize how much time I had to myself to be creative when I was undergoing treatment. I had time to heal, write and be creative as I could in my waking hours. However, the real world doesn’t work like that. You don’t always get that kind of time to pause and reflect. Even now, I don’t have time. I have four projects and a show I should be working on, but I wanted to give myself a moment to pause and talk with you.

I’m okay with being busy. I’d rather not have time. When I was undergoing treatment, it was like my whole life was on pause and the only way to make it move forward was if I filled it with something because I was forced to stop doing all the things I loved. It was infuriating to say the least.

And because I wasn’t doing anything, I saw the world was still moving without me. It was hard to watch. I felt like I wasn’t needed.  I know I’m wanted, but I felt as though I wasn’t needed and that was one of the most difficult sensations to overcome. But my dad reminded me of something that his teacher once asked him:

What are all the things you want to accomplish in your time on this earth?

Of course I have a list for that: write a play, direct, love, explore, travel, do all the other things every blogger on this platform talks about.

But then my dad’s teacher asked another question:

What would this world be missing without you in it?

The cynic in me says nothing would be missing. The world would keep moving as it does and eventually someone else would come up with whatever I created or contributed to society.

But that’s not true. If I weren’t here, the world would be missing an optimist. A writer. A lover. A friend. A sister. An explorer. And everything I am to become. Look at what I’ve done in the last 22 years alone! Who knows what I can do next! Without me in the world, we would never know! That’s one “What If” I don’t want to live with.

So now my life has been un-paused and it feels like it’s fast forwarding to make up for lost time. And I have a lot left to do. Get ready!

I’m hoping to write a little more than before, but I can’t guarantee anything. If it’s been a while, just know that I’m out living to bring back stories for you!

Thank you for waiting for me to live a little.

 

Until Next Time,

Dana Qualy

 

I’m Back!

Hello you wonderful people! I’M BAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKK!!!

*Insert celebratory sounds here*

It has been SO LONG since I’ve written for My Bright Corner that I am rusty at even creating an engaging and fun opening. Oops. Sorry about that. I can’t help being awkward. It’s just my disposition, okay?!

I can explain why I’ve been away for so long. Okay, maybe I can’t. It’s not that I didn’t have time to write for My Bright Corner because this summer I spent it working a part time retail job and watching anime shows from my couch. So it wasn’t that.

It also wasn’t because I was unmotivated like when I first started. I thought about writing for My Bright Corner a lot. I kept a journal filled with blog ideas and rough outlines of the posts. So it wasn’t that either.

If it wasn’t motivation and it wasn’t time commitment, what could possibly have kept me from My Bright Corner for so long? It’s really easy, actually.

I didn’t want to share.

I didn’t want to share my life with the internet for a while. Sometimes I don’t want to share every thought escaping my brain or all of my opinions that I have. It’s as easy as that.

Please don’t take this as a personal offense or rejection. I think you’re all lovely people who like to read blogs and personal opinion commentaries. Hopefully you genuinely like reading My Bright Corner content and don’t just come here to hate on it with your friends. Maybe you do. To each their own. (If you do come here to hate on my stuff, you should totally make a drinking game and share it with me because that would be hilarious and sometimes you have to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously.)

If there’s anything we’ve learned since starting this My Bright Corner journey it’s this:

1. I’m an inconsistent blogger and I should probably work on that.

2. I am really really REALLY good at procrastinating

3. If there’s an opportunity to share a picture of my dogs with you, I will. My doggos are really cute and deserve more internet time.

 

4. If I don’t want to do something, I’m not going to do it.
(Unless it’s lifesaving. In which case, I will begrudgingly agree to it and make a blog about it.)

For the last two months, I didn’t want to share on My Bright Corner, so I didn’t. I haven’t been a blogger for very long nor have I been very good at it so to go from never sharing on social media to sharing some very personal parts of my life with the internet on my very own website is kind of exhausting and, since I’m being honest right now, a little invasive. And I know! I decided to open myself up in this way to the internet and blah, blippidy, bloppidy, blah. But sometimes and don’t want to be so personal and I am not obligated to! And since I am human, I sometimes need to go back to not sharing with the internet. It happens. This time it just… happened for two months straight. 

So where does that leave us? I recently learned that there are regular readers of My Bright Corner who want more content which is really cool! Hi! Thank you for reading my stuff! I will do my best to post more often than once every two months, but I can’t guarantee every new posts every week. School is starting up again and I’m already a huge procrastinator so I need to be honest with myself and with you. Maybe I’ll post twice a month or something like that. I’m not sure. I’ll keep you in the loop. Maybe I’ll add a calendar to My Bright Corner and add the dates I’m going to upload new content so even though the new content is inconsistent, no one will be sitting in a silent void wondering if the site is dead. That’s definitely a smart option. I should be taking notes.

Long story short, more content is on its way and I will keep you more informed of when it will be up! And if you think of new ideas for me to write about or have thoughts about My Bright Corner in general? Share them with me! I want to read all about it and maybe learn something along the way! You can either send me a message from the “Contact Me” page or any of my social media sites.

It’s good to be back and again, sorry for the gap. I’m a human who makes mistakes and I’m working on being better about it.

 

Until Next Time,

Dana