Category: 1 Year

Your Definition of Failure Doesn’t Matter to Me.

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If your first job after college doesn’t pertain to your degree you just received, you have failed. If you don’t get that promotion at work, you have failed. If you didn’t accomplish everything on your three page to do list at work AND at home AND at that extra-curricular activity you do to get out of the house so you don’t become a hermit for life, you have FAILED. Everyone is going to talk about you. Everyone is going to talk. The fact that you’re not posting an update on Facebook on that job you tried for that you said you really really loved shows that you didn’t get it and now everyone is judging you. You. Are. Failing.

Can you feel your levels of anxiety increasing while reading that? Can you feel your own self disappointment rising in an upward trajectory that is currently competing with the height of Mt. Everest?

If it’s not? Well, you’re doing better than the rest of us. Because the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of us out there that feel the pressure of the outside universe to perform with a level of perfection that is unattainable. And even though we know it’s unattainable, we still try to please everyone. Sometimes even when it’s something we don’t want.

But you want to know something else? There are not bunches of people out there watching you fail either. More likely than not, they’re waiting to celebrate your successes. If they are waiting for you to fail, then I’m not sure they’re worth sharing successes with.

For a really long time, I believed I was constantly failing and that the culmination of those failures would amount to nothingness in my life. But the more I exist and learn, the more I see that failure is more like a course correction rather than a shipwreck.

If I take a look at where I was and where I thought I was going ten years ago versus where I am now?I was supposed to be a super successful director with two books written and a secluded house in the woods. I was supposed to not have to think about money by now and attend major events and create a non profit. By these standards I have failed tremendously because I have not achieved a single one.

And the me today is proud of it! Why? Because I have a stable job that lets me leave work at work with flexible hours and good benefits. Because I live with my partner who loves me like I’ve never experienced love before. Because the roof over my head is stable and there’s food on my table. Because my hobbies bring me joy and I get to share that with others. You see, my perspective on fulfillment and success has changed. My fulfillment is not sourced from work- it’s sourced from life, from love, from experience. If I can only be fulfilled by checking off boxes on a list, then I’ll never see what’s outside that list.

I guess what I’m getting at in my musings today is that it’s okay to change. It’s okay for perspective to change and for what to matter in your life to change. It’s okay to need the rigidity of a list to keep you on track towards a major goal if that’s what makes you happy. It’s also okay to let it go and see where the world takes you.

The important thing is that you set those definitions yourself and not to let others define them for you. Then they aren’t your goals you’re after. And then it has become not your life.

What are you after? What are your goals? Take time to reflect on that over your morning coffee and your own musings. Taking that time for yourself is important. I hope you have a great day!

Until Next Time,

Dana

Dog Sitting

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The best part about dog sitting is hanging out with other people’s dogs and spoiling them like crazy.

I mean seriously? Who doesn’t love wrapping a doggo up burrito style to watch the Avengers?!

Or just getting them to sit pretty to take a cute photo and send off to the owner?!

Doggos are the best. 🙂

Until next time,

Dana

Taking a Media Detox

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I removed social media from my phone! Shocking no one, I experienced from positive results by making that change:

  1. I read more.
  2. I created a morning routine that makes me less of a grouch.
  3. I am developing a better evening routine so I actually get quality sleep.
  4. My anxiety has reduced dramatically.

Let’s get something straight right off the bat: it is a privilege to have social media and it is also a privilege to have the option to remove social media from one’s life. Some people use social media as their way to connect, keep up to date on information that may be crucial and utilize social media to promote their businesses.

Did I completely remove social media from my life? No. I still used some elements of social media so that I could continue to maintain contact with people. Here were the rules I established for myself:

  1. Remove all social media that could enable me to scroll for hours (Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest). Keep any social media that allows me to remain in contact with people (Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, FaceTime).
  2. If I was going to use a social media that promotes mindless scrolling, I must go to my desk and open the site on my laptop. I set a timer for 30 minutes and when those 30 minutes are up, I get off the websites.
  3. Traditional media apps are still fair game so I can keep up to date on current events.

That’s it. Those are the only rules. So I got rid of the apps and I was off!

At some point, we have all probably heard of some famous person talking about the benefits of a social media detox and all that good stuff. We know it has a tendency to bring some peace of mind, reduce phone addictive behaviors, increase the quality of face to face communication and more. But no one really talks about why they’re going on a social media detox other than the vague “I have a phone addiction and it needs to stop” response. I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but I can speak for me.

I am the social media user that can be best summed up as: a creep. I like, comment and respond to other people’s content, but I rarely post my own. Rather than use the platform as it was originally intended, I have taken a back seat and am a passive user that browses and judges other people’s content.

The problem with passive use is it allows me to utilize it to fill any empty space or time that I have. I have a lot of empty time on my hands right now that I have been filling with endless, meaningless scrolling. No engagement. No conversation. Nothing.

Since we’re here, let’s dissect that concept a little more. Why am I not sharing or engaging anymore? I used to all the time. My Facebook memories tab loves to remind me of all my cringy old posts and photos that I loved to over edit for no reason in particular.

To be frank, I don’t have anything I want to inform anyone about. I like having some anonymity in my life, so I can have space to experience life. But rather than experience life, I have been filling it with mindless scrolling and creeping!

And that poses some problems perhaps you can relate to:

  1. My self worth and value became dependent on the actions/inactions of others rather than my own choices.
  2. I was learning subconsciously that inaction is safer, therefore better. And that’s simply not true because not making an action or choice is still making a choice. A choice that’s weaker and doesn’t allow for growth, change or movement.

By limiting my social media to direct contact only, I’ve learned that I really don’t give two bananas about social media. I thought I did. I thought I wanted to know what people were up to and how their lives were going every moment they posted. That’s not what I care about. It means so much more to me to engage more frequently with people who want to tell me how they’re doing directly. It’s much better than stalking someone in the virtual bushes hoping they’ll see you (or not. Because you’re a creep in the virtual bush).

Until next time,

Dana