Author: mybrightcorner82

I’m always looking for something new and exciting whether it be a new place to travel, book to read, friend to learn about or anything in between. Like any other millennial/gen Z person, I have a deep connection (addiction) with social media and the internet in general. My love of theatre knows no bounds. My adoration of my partner's cats also knows no bounds. I am in the middle of a life changing adventure: I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and five years cancer free as of April 2022!

Taking a Media Detox

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I removed social media from my phone! Shocking no one, I experienced from positive results by making that change:

  1. I read more.
  2. I created a morning routine that makes me less of a grouch.
  3. I am developing a better evening routine so I actually get quality sleep.
  4. My anxiety has reduced dramatically.

Let’s get something straight right off the bat: it is a privilege to have social media and it is also a privilege to have the option to remove social media from one’s life. Some people use social media as their way to connect, keep up to date on information that may be crucial and utilize social media to promote their businesses.

Did I completely remove social media from my life? No. I still used some elements of social media so that I could continue to maintain contact with people. Here were the rules I established for myself:

  1. Remove all social media that could enable me to scroll for hours (Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest). Keep any social media that allows me to remain in contact with people (Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, FaceTime).
  2. If I was going to use a social media that promotes mindless scrolling, I must go to my desk and open the site on my laptop. I set a timer for 30 minutes and when those 30 minutes are up, I get off the websites.
  3. Traditional media apps are still fair game so I can keep up to date on current events.

That’s it. Those are the only rules. So I got rid of the apps and I was off!

At some point, we have all probably heard of some famous person talking about the benefits of a social media detox and all that good stuff. We know it has a tendency to bring some peace of mind, reduce phone addictive behaviors, increase the quality of face to face communication and more. But no one really talks about why they’re going on a social media detox other than the vague “I have a phone addiction and it needs to stop” response. I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but I can speak for me.

I am the social media user that can be best summed up as: a creep. I like, comment and respond to other people’s content, but I rarely post my own. Rather than use the platform as it was originally intended, I have taken a back seat and am a passive user that browses and judges other people’s content.

The problem with passive use is it allows me to utilize it to fill any empty space or time that I have. I have a lot of empty time on my hands right now that I have been filling with endless, meaningless scrolling. No engagement. No conversation. Nothing.

Since we’re here, let’s dissect that concept a little more. Why am I not sharing or engaging anymore? I used to all the time. My Facebook memories tab loves to remind me of all my cringy old posts and photos that I loved to over edit for no reason in particular.

To be frank, I don’t have anything I want to inform anyone about. I like having some anonymity in my life, so I can have space to experience life. But rather than experience life, I have been filling it with mindless scrolling and creeping!

And that poses some problems perhaps you can relate to:

  1. My self worth and value became dependent on the actions/inactions of others rather than my own choices.
  2. I was learning subconsciously that inaction is safer, therefore better. And that’s simply not true because not making an action or choice is still making a choice. A choice that’s weaker and doesn’t allow for growth, change or movement.

By limiting my social media to direct contact only, I’ve learned that I really don’t give two bananas about social media. I thought I did. I thought I wanted to know what people were up to and how their lives were going every moment they posted. That’s not what I care about. It means so much more to me to engage more frequently with people who want to tell me how they’re doing directly. It’s much better than stalking someone in the virtual bushes hoping they’ll see you (or not. Because you’re a creep in the virtual bush).

Until next time,

Dana

Watermelon is a Social Fruit.

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That’s it. That’s the concept of this whole post.

I was sitting with my mom the other day and she offered me some watermelon. Of course I accepted. Watermelon is delicious. After that visit, I went home, bought some watermelon, AND THEN DIDN’T LOOK AT IT UNTIL IT WAS A SAD, DEAD WATERMELON IN THE BACK OF MY FRIDGE. A truly monstrous act. And that’s when it hit me: Watermelon is my social fruit.

I don’t know about anyone else, but there are food that I eat only when I’m around other people. It’s not that I don’t like the food, it’s that if I am alone in my house, I don’t feel compelled to eat it.

And it’ll sit there. Forever. Or until I think about it again.

Social fruit.

Anyone else have a food that’s strictly a social food?

Three Years Add Up

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It ‘s been three years since I was declared cancer-free! Three years and I’m still left speechless by the thought. Did I really have cancer? Am I in remission now? Am I sure about that?

Don’t worry. I’m still cancer free (got the clear from the doc back in April). I’ve been trying to plan what I was going to say for this post for, I don’t know, months? A year? Every step I’ve taken forward has taken me in a new direction that changes what I’m going to say, what I want to reflect on and even what I want to share with you.

And I know. It’s been a very long time since I’ve shared anything at all. And I know, I made a promise before that I was going to be back. No more promises. I’m not a perfect individual and I can’t promise anything. I use this platform as a way to share my own life experiences so that I may be able to help the next person down the road who finds themselves in my shoes. Regardless of the impact it makes on the universe around me, I want to write right now for my sake.

So, I’m going to write.

Here I am, sitting in my bed, staring at my screen wondering how I’m going to explain what I’m feeling. For the last couple years, Halloween has haunted me. And not in the cool, hipster “yeah I was totally haunted by a ghost,” sort of way. I mean in the “gross, waking up from a nightmare and vomiting in my toilet at 3 in the morning” kind of way. I mean in the “having an anxiety attack while sitting in a classroom learning about the naumachia in Ancient Greece and excusing myself to the hallway so I don’t have a public meltdown” kind of way.

For me, the treatment process is done. Chemo is done. It’s been done for a very long time. But healing is a lifelong process that I’ve been actively working on day in and day out. Each day is better, but I would get to those anniversary dates and all of my work reverts and I feel like I’ve taken 15 steps backwards in the process. And I can’t place my finger on it, but this year is different for some reason. I’m not reverting the way I typically expect.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still struggling- I won’t lie about that. Do I still have some nightmares? Sure. Do I still catch my anxious, wandering mind drift to the insane idea that a cold I have is covering up more severe, underlying symptoms? Absolutely.

I’m also really, really, REALLY proud. I look back at the last three years and I think about all that I’ve done. Come with me for a moment in my small time capsule:

I got cancer, underwent chemotherapy, and SURVIVED.

I went from this:

To this:

And now to this:

My love and respect for my own body has never been so strong.

I went back to school, during which time I stage managed two dance productions, assistant directed a fringe festival and a mainstage production and directed my senior project which I received grant funding from the university for. AND THEN I GRADUATED. Even more I graduated with honors. This past summer after college was a bit weird. Long story short: I moved home, did an internship at a library, a directing residency at a theatre and worked at a retail store for… kicks? (Money. It was for money.)

Then my super cool residency and internship ended and I was stuck in that lost sensation of not knowing where my life was headed (side note: young adult life is just a cyclical process of feeling lost, finding your bearings, getting yourself in order, then getting the rug pulled out from under you. Rinse and repeat).

I felt this way, that is, until I got a call asking me to come work for a local theatre and I said yes. I would walk into a beautiful building with such historic grace and elegance every day and I was getting paid to do it!

And then I made the decision to walk away. A decision that is heart-breaking, but I don’t regret. I’m eager for what’s to come and who gets to come on my little life journey with me wherever it may take me.

If there’s anything I can offer to you it’s this: YOU are so much more than one event in your life- good or bad. You aren’t loved for what you’ve done or what you’ve experienced, but for who you are. You are loved because you exist.

So has it been three years since I was diagnosed? Yes. Did I really have cancer? Yes. Am I in remission? HELL yes.

When I get those nightmares or I feel my breath quicken, I look at the apartment that I’m now living in, or the office I work in and I remember I am more than that singular experience. It’s one piece of a very confusing culmination that is me: Dana. A young individual learning how to be an adult and maintain a loving soul in a world that forgets it’s okay to be happy.

But if there’s anything that I could have possibly learned from my cancer experience and from the cancer experiences of people around me is that I cannot live in fear of a date or an anniversary. I cannot live waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I know I didn’t mention them, but the last three years have brought a lot of negative experiences as well.

But they don’t matter. They don’t matter because I processed, learned and moved forward, carrying it with me to the next experience- good or bad. I lived through them. I lived.

I’m living.

Until Next Time,

Dana